"Glossolalia" Critique

“Glossolalia” uses a fishing trip as the framing device for another story, that of Old Man Pellum, who is crazy and tells stories in exchange for shots of whiskey. The two main characters aside from Pellum are Charlie (Chuck) and Lewis. Charlie is an asthmatic and narcoleptic, or perhaps just slow and lazy. As they wait for fish to bite, Lewis recounts the story of seeing Old Man Pellum on the news. Interspliced at three different places is a short tale from Pellum, which combines with the final motions of the story.

Two words take on importance in this piece perhaps above most others. One is the title word, glossolalia, which means speaking in tongues, but does not show up in the text. But it is in reference to Pellum, who was reportedly speaking in tongues when the Bulls pulled them off of the train (I am fortunate to have a sister who does hop trains, so I’m familiar with the Bulls). The other important word is derecho, spanish for “right” and referring to a particular hard-line wind-storm that can be incredibly damaging. This storm is central to Pellum’s story.

What’s nice about the story is that it has an informal, southwestern feel to it, where the real story is told indirectly, as an aside. This is a nice contrast to the nature of the derecho, a much more, if you will, direct storm. I would like the story to be a little longer. Perhaps more imagery and less story telling, as if Chuck is imagining the events. This would make it slightly harder to decipher whose story it is up front, perhaps adding some intrigue. Additionally, it is unclear if the mother is injured or what. I think fleshing out that moment some more would be helpful. There is room for expansion.