The first full paragraph of “Conveniently Portrayed” is vivid enough to be chewed. Reading “Sweet potato bisque” is a very sensuous experience. But further, what this story does is contrast a matter-of-fact narrative with an uncertain foot-noted voice, which seems distinct from the voice in the main text.
The story is of a character named Hodge, who is out on a date with a woman named Lucille (who might be Margaret, in hind sight), and the narrator explains Hodge’s difficulty with first impression. These narrative expositions, digressions, analyses, whatever you may call them, compose one of the two writing tools along with the footnotes that sort of pry the narrative open. Otherwise, it is just a story about a bad first impression. Where normally an abstract definition of a character trait would be a no-no. it functions as a clinical voice that moves the piece towards its ultimate conclusion, which seems somewhat hopeful.
To me, this piece is the start of something excellent, but certain details are being under-utilized, preventing the story to reach its full potential. The color imagery, footnotes, clothing, these all become important aspects that seem to be full of meaning, but the meanings are not yet fully decipherable.
More on the footnotes: as many will probably say, maybe push further. Your sparse footnotes are quite effective, so in this story you run the risk of going to far. To me, there significance is in the uncertainty of the first and the certainty of the last. Try to span that arch from uncertainty to certainty, without losing it, because that is where the story is.
Linguistically and stylistically you have crafted something that is enjoyable to read and capable of hitting on several levels. Think about what people are praising about it, and then ask how that can be complicated.
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